The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
