What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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