I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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