sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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