There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
