You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
