you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
