I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
