Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
