Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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