hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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