it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
