I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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