So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
