i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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