no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
