You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
