Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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