no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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