How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
