There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
