so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
