We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
