Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
