I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
