so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
