i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Houston, we have a blender
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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