i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
