he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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