So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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