I cockslap morals
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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