ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am one with the molecules
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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