Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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