Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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