im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
