Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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