I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
