WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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