I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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