You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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