why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
