would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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