My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
