you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
