Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
