Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's blow job season.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
