We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
