So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
