Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
