you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
