Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
