your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
