watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
