Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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